Out in Front

I know how Garbo felt.
I am sure that human being decended from Lemmings.
I can now understand why DVD sales and rentals soar and theaters are dying.

It's all YOUR fault.

I know this because I practice what I am about to preach.

It's simple. It's easy.

SPREAD OUT.

Do you know what that means?

It means that you need to not feel the need to be so close to me that you can smell my feet, my perfume or my popcorn. It means to find a space a few spaces away from me at the parking lot, to give at least an arm's length between me and you in line, and to WAIT 10 seconds before you reach around me at a condiment stand, cause I really AM moving out of your way.

Now, I am not referring to the times that the parking lot is full or even semi-loaded, the times when there is a rush for the last 15 straws, when the movie has already started, or the seats

look like this view in the theater.
I am talking about that moment when you enter the place, and there are half a dozen people, yet you INSIST on sitting right damned in front of me. What the hell is wrong with you? Afraid of the dark? Need a mommy figure? Too stupid to find your own seats?
Now, I am usually not smack dab in the "middle" of the seats, just so that I don't appear to be ASKING for someone to want the next best view- something slightly closer to the screen than is optimal, but still in the center.
I actually sit "off sides" slightly. Yet you people STILL find the need to be right in front of me. Even when I have a foot up on that empty seat in the SEA of empty seats. Even when the seat is covered in wet cola. Even when there is a live iguana on it waiting to bite you in the butt, you insist on being RIGHT there.
I am not sure why some humans feel the need to do this. My friends say that they are not even thinking at ALL (big surprise there!), just drifting like voters to whomever is already in place. I have been tempted to start public farting just to warn them off.
I have tried all the simple alternatives. I wait until the movie is about to start before taking a seat- you ignorami just arrive AFTER the damned things starts, chat with your kids, pass the food back and forth (with the crackly bag), and seem to feel that you are at your house and are therefore free to ignore the world.
Big hint here : YOU'RE NOT!
I have tried moving when the rude tudes arrive- but inevitably, I am then bothering someone else. I have put clothing on the chairs (they just move it without even asking, and my interventions of holding seats are met with shrugs), and I have been so loudly rude and smelly that wart hogs turn their backs to me. Not you people though!
The same situation holds for parking lots that look like this:
If I park my car out there, I KNOW you will be parking right next to me. Not a space away, not across the isle, not nose to nose, but RIGHT NEXT to my car. The odds are high that you will also bang my sheet metal with the edge of your door and not bother to look.
I am not being mean. I am not blowing things out of porportion.
They keep happening. ALL the time.

So I thought I would take a moment to mention the situation so that you could work on it. Or forward this essay to whatever family and friends you have that might fit the profile.